When I was little, my mom helped me set goals for myself, ones that seemed reachable as well as ones that seemed a bit more challenging. For example, She would always help me choose names for my new dolls that I initially struggled with, realizing that I would practice them often and master another sound….So my first Dolly was SUZY, you see, I was struggling with my s and z sounds, and my second was Melanie, where I was struggling with my middle L’s. I never fully realized what my mom was doing when setting these goals. She was helping me build my confidence in the process.  

When I was little, I never wanted my Apraxia to define me. So, when I spoke in public, it was a way for me to get back to my apraxia. I never was worried about speaking in front of people as fear of not being able to share my thoughts was what mattered the most to me. I remember in 7th grade, our teacher wanted us to do our first professional presentation. I don’t know why, but I was determined to be perfect. I thought everyone would expect me not to do well with it as I had apraxia, I wanted to prove them wrong. Of course my presentation wasn’t perfect, but after much practice and many word changes, I nailed it.  Since then, I have always been passionate about presenting. 

This year, I am struggling with word recall more than ever and this has bled into some of my school presentations. Last month I had a rough time during a presentation, my apraxia came out and after I went to try to explain to my teacher what I had intended to say, and instead of being upset with me, she said, “Elina, don’t worry about it. You did great; you presented with so much more passion than everyone else. You did well.” I always thought my secret weapon with presentations was how much I prepared, but I realized it is a combination of preparation and my passion for the topic. 

This past Summer I was honored to speak at the Apraxia Kids National Conference, and I was scared, intimidated and felt anxious. I recall that during the keynote presentation behind the podium, my left leg was shaking like crazy. However, as the conference went on, I met amazing people and became a bit more comfortable. When I presented the conference’s closing address, I was much calmer but still nervous. I wasn’t as overwhelmed as I was before to make a mistake as I knew that people in that room would understand. It felt amazing to be able to tell my story to a group of people who understood CAS and were all rooting for me. 

In December, I presented a TEDx talk in which I discussed the importance of Community, and how a good community will help people feel valued and comfortable sharing their struggles, and celebrating their successes. The right community can help us feel hopeful and not limited by others’ expectations.  

In 2024, I do have some lofty goals. I will graduate high school in June and am looking forward to transitioning from a high school student to one that finds her community in college. I hope to move Young Able Voices forward by creating new forums and ways to help others. Regarding my Apraxia, I have realized that by sharing my challenges with others it allows them to understand me and have just a little more patience.  So the next time I’m asked about my accent, I will try not to smile and nod, but share a little information about CAS and maybe even pass on the Apraxia Kids and Young Able Voices websites to help continue increasing awareness.